Underneath the White Smile
by Marvelous.Mirana.of.Marmoreal
Summary: Third Person POV. She's hidden it quite well for a long time, until someone finds her. T for dark themes and a bit of...pain.
1. The Madness Under It All

**I can't begin to tell you how quickly I typed this- it hit me so hard that I needed to write it down the very second I thought of it. It's short, but oh well :D I say that a lot, don't I?**

**This, too, will be continued from another's POV. I'm really digging myself into a deep hole with all these in progress things…Lord help me…**

"_**Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne started this whole thing…**_

As she paced back in forth in her bedroom, she thought. She thought about her family and friends. Unfortunately for her, whenever she thought about it- or anything in general- she would lose her mind and losing her mind was not a very safe thing to do. It was not safe simply because of what lie within the poor woman. She contained a dark secret, one everyone knew probably existed, but ignored it anyway; one that nobody was positive about, but they considered it maybe once in their lifetime. It was a dark secret that was just what it was called- dark- literally. She- the pure white and calm Queen that all of Underland loved- was a dangerous being. She was dangerous to herself in particular. That dark secret was like a recreation of Queen, only a lot more evil-like. It was a tiny person, it was lost within the depths of the white hair and the fluffy dresses and even that fake smile she gave to everyone. It was as if she was lost inside herself, trying to break her way out, but if she did get out, Underland would be in turmoil. She knew that she needed to keep herself together, no matter how broken and battered she was under the fluff. She'd rejected herself so many times that she couldn't remember when she began. She hated herself with every fiber of her being. She couldn't remember her dreams from when she was a mere princess. She couldn't remember where she belonged, if anywhere. She wanted to find the reasons why- why couldn't she remember? Why couldn't she remember the life she left behind with that one choice? She knew she had to be strong; she had had to be strong since she was far too young to know why. But- now- she had far too many problems to even care. But she really did care about her choice. Why had she chosen this destiny?

"I wonder what might've been different, had I given up at first," she mused, confusing herself. Of course she wouldn't give up and let the Little Mirana out. She cared far too much for her Kingdom; for her Underland. When she was younger- just before she gained the crown, in fact- she had realized she had a choice to make. The nightmares had begun- the images that flashed in her brain, the pain she felt both inside and outside. She knew what was happening; Iracebeth had gone through the same thing and had chosen to go along with the torture in order to have an easy path through life. Mirana knew, though, that the easy path through life wasn't always the best. She chose to withstand the darkness that boiled in her blood, which seeped into every part of her. It was like a huge boulder was pressing down on her, persuading her to drop the damned thing and be happy already. It was like a voice in the back of her head- one that was dripping with sweetness, telling her that it would be alright to try it just once. And a few times, she almost broke- broke like the glass bowl on the kitchen floor, the one that made the shards of glass she used to cut herself that one time.

But Mirana knew better than that. She knew that if she tried it ever again, she wouldn't be able to stop. Or so she thought. She made everything around her so light and happy that even she sometimes forgot the evil inside of her. She had convinced herself that everything was fine just the way it was; she made her own little world where everything was perfect and she lived in it almost constantly. And, sadly, she lived in that place out of fear- fear that once she began hurting, she'd never be able to stop. And, again, sadly, she began the pain shortly after the first time. And she was right- she couldn't stop. She felt the need for bloodshed every night, and she didn't know why, but she gave into it. She would find some way to hurt herself and, even in pain, find relief from the torturous images that filled her head every time she refused the sweet, savory, persuading voice. She rarely thought that she would be hurting others while doing this, but she was wrong.

Oh so very wrong.

She often wanted to turn back, to go back to her childhood and rethink her decision. Even if she knew it wouldn't be different, she wanted to rethink it. She wanted to know what it would be like to not lose her mind for once, what it would be like to not hide her true feelings and thoughts, what it would be like if she could just go home. But…nobody was home. Her parent's castle- the Castle of Crims- was buried in debris somewhere between Marmoreal and Salazen Grum. She wanted somewhere to dry her eyes as the tears sprang free while she retrieved a clean cloth and a sharp piece of whatever she could find. And tonight, when she went to cut herself once more, she realized something. There was someone watching her. Someone she knew very well. Someone she knew that wouldn't appreciate her self-inflicted pain. And that someone, she knew, had been watching her all these nights since she had first begun in the kitchen that fateful night.

"Tarrant," she whispered, standing as still as the marble her castle was made from. She turned around, trying so hard to gather her thoughts, her feelings, her whole body. She felt like she was strewn everywhere, open for him to see. He'd seen the worst of it, obviously. She knew she couldn't cover this up but she had to do it! It kept her mind at bay during the day. In the dark of her bedroom, she was vulnerable- too vulnerable to withstand anything. She could succumb to it so easily knowing that she wouldn't hurt anyone...other than herself.

"Why?"


	2. The Beginning of a New Beginning

**I may have only gotten 2 reviews so far (not complaining) but I want to thank you for the compliments :D They made me so happy! Continuing on! Poor Mirana :( Let's see what Tarrant thinks?**

"_**Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne is still my inspiration :) Soon, though, her song "Innocence" is going to come into play…**_

As he stood in the shadows, watching her pace back and forth, he wondered. He wondered why she did this. He couldn't figure out why she felt the need to do this, or why she needed to do it everyday. Every time she cut through her beautiful skin, every time she bled, he bled with her. Maybe he didn't do it in a literal sense, but his mind was bleeding, in a way. He was going crazy with her. Every time she lost her mind, he lost his as well. Yet he was very careful what he did while he watched. He would often dig his nails into his wrist or, on a good day, his hat. He did this quietly because he didn't want her to find him, not yet. He wasn't the only one who watched her each night- Absolem and Chessur were always present as well. So, as Absolem landed on his shoulder, he didn't jump in surprise. He could sense Chessur's presence- he was somewhere closer to the poor woman. Oh, how Tarrant wanted to be closer!

"What's wrong now?" whispered Absolem, so quiet that barely Tarrant could hear. He took a chance and whispered back.

"Too many problems." And it was true. She had far too many problems to deal with- too many for such a young person. Sadly, he couldn't help her- he could only watch her make the same mistakes again- every day, every night. Maybe, if he stopped her, she would see that what she was doing was wrong, that it did her no good. Maybe, if he stopped her, she wouldn't kill herself. He knew. Every time she cut her arm, her leg, her stomach, her neck…he knew. With every object she picked up- be it a screw from the desk, a piece of glass from a vase, a knife she snuck from the kitchen- he knew a little bit more. Every time, she was letting out a little more of herself. Too much more and she'd die.

"I'm going to stop this," he whispered to Absolem. He could feel Chess behind him now, stiff as a board. As Tarrant watched his best friend sit at her desk, ready to break through her skin, he stepped out of the shadows and took in a deep breath.

"Tarrant," she murmured, standing up and turning around, frozen. He tried to think of something to say, something that might make sense. Something she could understand. But he couldn't find anything, besides one word, that could put all his thoughts out for her to know.

"Why?" he asked. He, once again, felt the very light weight of Absolem on his shoulder. He shrugged the wise insect off his shoulder, silently asking to be alone. When the room was positively empty- even Chess was gone- he watched in misery as Mirana broke. She crumpled, her knees buckling as sobs ripped through her body. Luckily, Tarrant was just fast enough to catch her before she hit the floor. She cried into his chest, dropping the letter-opener she had been holding in her hand. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder and her hands gripping his neck with such a force that Tarrant thought he might die! Tarrant had his arms around her waist and was resting his head atop hers, trying not to cry himself. He thought of the possibility that, had he not intervened, it might've been her last night alive.

"I…I just don't know," she cried, clinging to him with all her strength. He waited for her tears to subside, took her by the shoulders, and pushed her back a bit more harshly than he originally intended. He stared straight into her eyes as she clasped her hands together and put them over her heart, ducking her head to avoid his penetrating gaze. He let go of her and took his right hand, pulling her face up so she was looking at him again. Even in the dark, he could see that her eyes had a…dark quality to them. He let go and stood, reaching to turn on the light. It was then, and only then, that he wondered why it was dark. He pushed the thought aside as he went to kneel in front of his Queen once more.

And he saw. For the first time in his life, he saw what Mirana truly looked like. Without that pretty white smile to cover it all, he saw the dark circles around her eyes, he felt the coldness of her skin, and he heard her labored breathing as she lost her mind with each moment passing. He saw the evil lurking behind her black eyes, another thing he never saw. The black eyes. They reminded him of her sister when she was angry- and when she was angry, that was when all the evil lashed out at everyone around its host. So now, as Mirana's eyes gleamed, he stood and backed away from her, grabbing all the sharp objects he could on his way back. He ended up crashing into the wall behind him as the now demon looking Queen advanced on him. His eyes were wide in fear, but he knew she wouldn't touch him- even if she was close to losing her mind, she wouldn't break her vows.

"Mira, love, you need to stop this behavior," said a very bored looking Cheshire Cat from behind the woman. She whipped around and frowned. He had disappeared and then reappeared behind her. "Over here, Queeny," he mocked. She pivoted again and growled, annoyed. She clenched her fists at her sides as she searched for the cat that betrayed her not a year ago when the bloody Jabberwocky destroyed a whole Clan.

"Chess, knock it off. It's naught for usal to confuse the poor girl," said Tarrant in his thick Outlandish accent. His eyes were a deep red, scaring the cat off to Absolem-knows-where. Mirana turned to him again, this time her eyes were very light hazel and they were shining with tears. As one spilled over, her Hatter took his sleeve, stretched it over his thumb, and wiped it away.

"Help me, Hatter," was all she said as she wound her arms around his waist, nestling her cheek against the warm fabric of his coat.


End file.
